These will not start out in chronological order but I will add to them as mom and I find ourselves in “Lucy and Ethel-esque” predicaments
First a little background…Black Friday shopping with my mom is a tradition that started by accident my sophomore year in college. We were sitting on the couch the day after Thanksgiving watching the local news about all the crazy people lining up to go shopping and making fun of them. We were also flipping through the sale papers and found some super deals at Target. We looked at each other with that gleam in our eye that can only mean “let’s do it, what could go wrong!” We ran into Target where miraculously there was no line and I think this was also the last year that Target opened at its usual 8am. We rushed past the one guy that was walking into Target and grabbed a cart before he could beat us to it…and that is how it all began.
Every year since then, except for the year I was 8 months pregnant on Black Friday…and working at the Disney Store that day, we’ve gone Black Friday shopping together. It has become a well thought out plan that begins weeks before the holiday. We used to take a nap and head out around 3am and finish up before noon…now we start out at 11pm and never wrap up before noon the next day.
Black Friday 2010 will go down in history (at least for mom and me) as the year we decided that beauty decisions should not be made during sleep deprivation.
We were wrapping up our day of shopping at the mall. We went past one of those eyebrow threading kiosks in the middle of the mall. I had never tried it but wanted to. My mom had done it once before and assured me that I just have to try it! So we each take a seat, thinking what a wonderful way to take a break and rest our weary feet. That relaxing calm was very quickly replaced with the most searing pain I have ever felt…and I went through an incredibly painful childbirth experience which involved the ripping of my flesh which I recently heard from my mom was audible in the delivery room…oh and without an epidural!
I had heard eyebrow threading was less painful than waxing. What a complete crock of shit!! I wasn’t sure I could stand for the guy to do my other eye but I decided that I didn’t want to look funny walking through the mall with mismatched eyebrows…although I could have told my husband that some woman ripped my eyebrow out when we were fighting over an amazing deal. So I let him go ahead with the other eyebrow. Maybe waxing is more painful but it’s over so quickly…rrrrip…rrrip and you’re pretty much done. Threading is like the slowest thing ever and I swear I could feel every single hair being pulled out and the roots were obviously connected to my toes somehow. The guy finally finished and handed me a mirror to admire the torture he had just inflicted upon me. This was completely useless because my eyes were tearing so badly that I couldn’t see anything.
I peered over to where my mom had been sitting and made out a blur of the colors she had been wearing and assumed it must be her. I paid for both of us because I couldn’t bare the thought of waiting for two transactions before running away to a bathroom where I could scream and writhe in pain. Tip? OMG are you kidding me!? Yes, I tipped him and with my blurred vision, I just hoped it was somehwere around 20% and not $200…oh well I’ll worry about that later…right now I must get away before he tries to do my upper lip…or worse!
Finally my mom is finished and I clutch her arm desperately pulling her away from this madness that we chose and paid for! As we walk away I said through tears and clenched teeth, “that was the worst pain of my life, what the fuck is wrong with you!’ To which she replied, “it was awful, it wasn’t like that last time, I swear!” Neither of us can see, our eyes are wattering like Niagara Falls, we haven’t slept in over 24 hours, and we’ve been shopping for at least the last 12 hours. But we still try our best to check out each other’s eyebrows to ensure there is something left behind…thankfully we still have eyebrows so there’s no need to use that whole story about women ripping each other’s eyebrows out over half priced holiday pajamas…though I think that would have been less painful.
So we head home and start planning for next year’s Black Friday shopping.